He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
