So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
