only you would photoshop your dick
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
