that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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