You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
