my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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