You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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