u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
