Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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