Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
