I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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