The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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