The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
