We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I am one with the molecules
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
