Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
