The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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