It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's blow job season.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
