i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
