I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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