therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
