My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
