just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
