I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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