Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
