i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
