I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Randomize
