she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
