Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
