Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
