Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
