he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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