Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
