my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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