my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
