i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she smelled like a LAN party
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
