Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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