I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
