filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
As shirtless as possible
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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