She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
