Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I understand Curling. That high.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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