is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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