well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
