He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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