R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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