Apparently you make a good broom.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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