K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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