i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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