end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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