There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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