I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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