God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
