you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
